Last night while wandering about Target looking for birthday presents for my now two year old, I got a phone call. The area code was unfamiliar--817. It turned out to be an elderly woman from Fort Worth, TX trying to get a hold of someone in my old town. As it turns out her sister would have lived about a mile from my old house.
She was a bit flustered about how she could have dialed the wrong number and needed me to explain exactly who I was, how I got this phone number, and why the lady from information gave her my number instead of her sister's number. "Those people at information must hate me!" she said. It was obvious from her voice that she was a feisty ol' lady.
It was an enlightening conversation. Rather than be rude in return, I chuckled and gave her the information she was looking for. In return she told me about the good old days, her family, and a few recent experiences including a theft of her credit information. (She wanted to "skin that lady alive.") Ms. Ratliff's husband had died when her children were 7 and 11. She had gone to college, "made a nurse," and worked her whole life until she retired at 71. It turned out to be a good little chat.
The dialog lasted from the purse section, to the shoes, to the baby clothes section--about 15 minutes in all. She told me life was hard; I should enjoy what I can and hug my children for her--especially
that red haired one. (Apparently, Ms. Ratliff is in the red-haired club
too.) Enjoy every minute with them. Her son had passed away years ago. She was 91 years old and according to her "too mean to die like every one else."
Time is a valuable thing. I wasted 15 minutes of mine with an old lady I didn't know. She said, "It's the nicest anyone's been to me in a long time." Her day was brighter and by the end of it she wasn't so grumpy. It made me long that much more to put my arms around my own Granny. How I miss her! Time. Am I wasting it on what is important or investing in things with no lasting return?
I don't blame the people around her for being grumpy in response to her on a daily basis, she is obviously a hard character to manage at times. However, it was amazing the transformation in her attitude in just a few moments when I didn't return her rudeness.
Most "difficult" people use their grumpiness to protect themselves. It's their coping mechanism. If you prove to be someone who will love them anyway, someone they don't have to protect themselves against, you will find them to be rarely prickly with you because they don't need their defenses with you. On the rare occasion they are, don't take anything personally and dish back in a jovial way. They do not define our worth anyway. Laugh off the silly things they play up as big drama instead of falling into the trap they set to watch you blow your top. And, as often as possible smile, and stand up for the people they mock--I've never meet a Grumpy who didn't appreciate that. Then, it is fun to have a relationship with a former prickly person.
"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1
Now, if I could just manage this with the people who live in my own home. It is difficult to continuously answer gently when my small people start an exasperated tone--again. It is excruciating to try to bite my tongue when my husband says something that makes me feel defensive. Yet, if it comes so easily with a perfect stranger, why do I have such a hard time with my own tribe. I will be mulling that one over today as we plant the garden.
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