My Faith Story

Written 11/24/08 for a church wide project:

Hi, my name is Melissa. My faith story has been more of a journey. As a young child I believed that Jesus loved me and would forgive me for the things I had done things to break His heart. I trusted that He took the consequences for my actions on Himself so that we could have a relationship. I lived the next 20 plus years trying not to do things that the Bible said were wrong, and tried to do things I thought were right because I loved God and wanted to please Him with my actions. I never went through that typical rebellious period, but something was missing. I was focused on keeping the rules—with good intent—but I always seemed to fail. In my mid-twenties, tragedy came into my life. I couldn’t understand why. I had followed the rules and done all that I thought I was supposed to do. I came to a point where I had to figure out: If this God is good like He says He is, then why is all of this happening to me. I set aside all the things I had been taught about what I think He should be and went on a quest to find out for myself who He REALLY is. The first step was to decide if there was a God. The evidence was an overwhelming YES! Second was, since there is a God, who is He and what affect does that have on me. My conclusions are He is a God who desperately loves me, not because of whether I am good or bad, but because that’s who He is! He doesn’t just have love or do love, but He IS love. Yes, things were happening to me that I could not understand, but just like in the story of Lazarus His heart was broken over my pain. He wants what is best for me. I wouldn’t trade that time of heart ache for anything in the world. It helped me find my value in Jesus. His overwhelming love DOES have an effect on me! My life is no longer about the rules and trying to do the right thing. I have a passion for who He is. I have peace that I was looking for. I have the joy that always seemed to be just out of reach. I have love that satisfies my most desperate need—enough that it is overflowing. I can give love away without expecting anything in return, without fear of being hurt and without being drained. I no longer have a focus just on the rules. I don’t feel always out of balance. I’m not insecure. I have full confidence that God wants the best for my life, and I am willing to go anywhere and do anything to fulfill that best. And that has brought a satisfaction that NOTHING can take away. This love for who God is, results in the life I was always trying to live, not the other way around!