In searching for the reasons I do some of the stupid things that I do, I spent some time defining “self-worth.” SELF-worth is very much a misnomer. It is nearly impossible to accurately define one’s own worth. We usually have a very unbalanced view of self—either overly inflated or sorely underrated.
This is because we define our worth based on comparison with other people or our own image of what we should be. We often compare the things that we do—good or bad—the things that we have—much or little—or our amount of talent—great or small. There are many other measures that we use, but they all place ourselves on a scale of comparison.
This is the way that I grew up. You draw a moral line—a proper standard—and do not cross it. How strict your line was depended on how much you wanted to please God. How many times you messed up and crossed it depended on how willing you were to sacrifice yourself. We were constantly comparing ourselves to this line—and comparing where our line was in relation to other people’s line. It was all very self rewarding. Sure the “line” was based on biblical principles, but it all missed the very thing God was trying to teach us with the rules He established—Love.
Love. Four small letters, but such a huge concept. You can boil all of what God requires down to Love God with everything you are and Love your neighbor as yourself. 1 John tells us that God IS Love; so you could condense it even further. The ONE thing God desires of us is that we love Love. Wow, not just do love or say love out of rote responsibility, but LOVE to Love! Make it the desire of your heart!
It is in Love that we find our true worth. Love is doing what is best for others regardless of the cost to self. It is this cost by which we often determine our worth. We take our favorite love language and say: He did this for me. It cost him “this” much time or effort or money etc, there for I must be worth “this” much. Or, She wants me “this” much because she said this or did that. We base our worth on the cost another person is willing to pay on our behalf.
We get frustrated when they don’t seem to value us highly enough and express it in anger. We get wounded when they don’t seem to realize just how little they say we mean to them and express it in depression. Our fathers wrongly value us. Our mothers wrongly value us. Our siblings wrongly value us. Our friends wrongly value us. Our spouses wrongly value us. All of this teaches us to wrongly value ourselves.
We act in all kinds of “sinful” ways just to try to redefine our worth. With anger we try to force others to validate our worth. We lust over the worth of others—even to the point of trying to steal it or kill for it. We disparage others to increase our worth in comparison. We can’t seem to stop—even when we want to. We swell ourselves up with pride like a puffer fish so that we can feel safe and important. Every part of our being scratches and fights for every ounce of worth we know we deserve.
Even low “self-esteem” falls into this cycle. We compare ourselves and don’t measure up. We wait for someone to contradict our assessment, but it never seems to come. Even if it did, we’d say they are lying—probably because we can see their own agenda for self-worth. Our worth is dependent on others view of us. We can become needy and clingy trying to squeeze every drop of worth people my give.
We may become over achievers—obsessed with the one thing we are good at—arrogant, condemning, boastful, or cruel. All to emblazon our worth for all to see.
The truth is something vastly different. It is much simpler than that. Love. It is doing what is best for others regardless of the cost to self.
I am a priceless human being. It is NOT because of how I compare to others. It is NOT because of how awesome I am, how talented I am, or how moral of a human being I am.
I am a priceless human being because I am the work of God. Just like a painting by Renoir is worth a certain amount, not because of the worth of the paint or the canvas, but because it is made by a master; so I am worth a certain amount not because of my talent or possessions, but because I am a work of the Master. To prove how much I am worth to Him, when I was stolen by the enemy, He was willing to pay the ransom to get me back. The price He was willing to pay was His own life. It is a price He was willing to pay for ALL of us—even while we were still rebellious toward Him. He knows EXACTLY how much we are worth; He can see just who He created us to be. If you have been stolen by the enemy and broken, there is no need to worry. Your value is not diminished. All repairs will be made by the same Master who made you and therefore will NOT affect the value.
Stop trying to compare yourself or prove yourself, and just BE who He created you to be. You cannot make yourself worth any more to Him or any less. You are priceless, simply because He made you. You are invaluable, based on the price He was willing to pay for you. Don’t desire someone else’s talent or worth; He created you with exactly the right ability, looks, etc. to be what you are meant to be. We are all invaluable to the Kingdom. We each have a role to play. None are more vital than the others.
Let True Love define you not this imposter that people have created. After that everything gets easier. I no longer have to try to strong arm my selfish will into the image of God. Rather, I know that Love loves me, and the rest follows. Because Love loves me, I love Love.
I am no longer boiling over with anger; not because I have controlled my anger, but because I don’t need you to tell me how much I’m worth. Therefore, I’m not angry with you for undervaluing me. I no longer covet your “whatever;” not because I have controlled my desire for covetousness, but because I Love to love you. I am as happy for your blessings as I am my own.
Love Love and you are free.
